Thursday, May 15, 2014

WP from Reddit: Instead of colonizing the New World in 1492, Europeans gave Native Americans modern knowledge and sailed away. They return 200 years later.

The men of the boat were eager for a chance to finally set foot on land. They'd lost several ships to the deep blue after encountering high seas. "Do ya think their women'll be purdy?" "If it walks I'll make it my wife!" 

Captain Leonardo Fetticini stood before his men. "It's been two hundred years since we last set foot here. We equipped them the best we could. In hindsight this may not have been such a good idea. The King, in his omnipotence, decreed that we must find a place to settle here by peace... or by war. Let's hope our "friends" are willing to give us a fair bargain. Regardless keep your weapons close to hand.

At the first sight of the shore the sailors were in awe of the strange metal statues lining the beaches. "What are they?" "They're beautiful! We should take one home!" 

The rowboats were filled with weapons, smelly men and a thick sense of fear. They arrived to the shore safely and rushed to take a closer look at the shiny statues. "This one's gold!" "Silver here!" "Grab the ropes were taking them!" 

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In the thick forest beyond the beach camouflage faces watched the every move of the aliens attempting to steal the precious statues. The leader of the group, a giant man by the name of Nahuel, whispered to his comrades, "Our ancestors were right. These foolish creatures love shiny things. They warned us they would be back to take it. These fools gave us their technology, shared with us their faults and in two hundred years they have yet to change. Tonight... Tonight we cut out the cancer of this world. Tonight we let the ocean fish feast on their flesh." Pearly white teeth flashed all around the thick foliage.

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That night the superior men of Europe feasted on the animals of their newest home. Camp fires were lit all along the beach, the smell of smoke and burning flesh wafted into the forest. "Yup, we'll be rich men! How long are we here for again?" "Just a few weeks. Enjoy the local fauna while it lasts. Soon we will be eating of gold plates!" 

Captain Fetticini stayed with the flag ship moored far offshore. "This has been too easy. Our predecessors spoke of people inhabiting these lands... and to leave something so precious so close to the ocean..." His first mate sat on the other end of the cabin half drunk and teetering on his stool. "Well maybe they all (hick) died? Maybe our wisdom was too much for em and (hick) their heads exploded?" The captain looked at him in disgust,  "Doubtful you fishcock of a fool. Don't underestimate mankind... It's the moment you think you are better than the tamed lion that it eats you."

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! BOOOM! BOOOM!

The first mate fell of the chair and immediately back to sobriety. "What was that?!" The captain rushed to the decked to see a series of explosions on the beach. "What's happening? Where is that coming from?!"
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The sand beneath the sailors feet began to burst. Some explosions were small others enormous. Men were swallowed whole by the flames igniting around them. Smoke and burning flesh filled the air and wafted into the forest.

Men by the hundreds emerged from the woods. Arrows of iron came raining down onto the sailors below sparing none of their alien souls. The masts of the ships placed close to the shore ignited. Dozens of dark figures could be seen climbing the sides of the ships. The ships' sailors steel met with sharper blades and fiercer warriors. The wakes of the ships pooled with blood.

On the flagship the captain could do nothing but watch his sailors be pierced with steel, burned alive and thrown into the sea. "First mate Bacon! We need to raise the anchor now! It's time to go!... First mate Bacon you drunk buffoon do you hear me?!" The captain returned back to his cabin to find his first mates neck slit from ear to ear. A giant of a man sat in the captains chair with his feet on the desk. "You savage! That desk was given to me by the king himself! I'll have your skin for this!" In a blind fury the captain rushed toward the giant unsheathing his sword in the process and just as he was about the strike the giant spoke. "Stop." "What? Did you just say stop? Why in the world would I stop?" The giant smiled as a rope descended from the rafters and around Captain Fetticini's neck. 

In two hours time the night was as dark as it has even been. The smell of flesh and smoke filled the air. The stars and moon were still shining as the fish feasted. Hundreds of dark figures retreated back into the forest to fight another day. "Go home to your women tonight. Enjoy their embrace. Tonight we fought as men but there will be more... There will always be more..."

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